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Sunday, April 01, 2007

How to Eat A Chocolate Jesus

There was a story in the news about a man who created a chocolate Jesus for Holy Week. This act pissed off a bunch of Christians and the chocolate Jesus has been banned.

Banned or not, the fact that a chocolate Jesus has been created begs the question just how does one go about eating a chocolate Jesus?

I asked my friends via email about this and here are the best of the replies

Erika D sez:

Hey Lucy -
I always had the same problem with chocolate bunnies. I could never eat their heads, so eventually my mom just hid a big chocolate egg instead & little toy bunnies sometimes. But you know, I have never had that problem with marshmallow peeps - chicks OR bunnies. Less realistic, I suppose.
x, E.

P.S. I think one should probably not bite Jesus. Just lick him all over until he's just a slimy lump of chocolate and maybe then biting him would be OK.

John W sez:

There are a number of ways to approach chocolate
Jesii, my child.

Apply the chocolate bunny principal and start with the

Is this particular jesus on a cross? In that case the
order shall be left arm, body, head, then enshrine the
right arm.

Treat him like a real fancy candle such as little girl
with a watering can. You would no more think of
burning down this little wax girl than you would
eating jesus. Put him on your knick knack shelf until

the rapture.

Melinda M sez:

Since this is the holy season of Lent, I believe the correct order would be:

The feet first, to symbolize the cleansing of the feet at passover.

Then gnaw on the back and head, to represent the crown of thorns and the scourging (re: The Passion)

Then on Friday, chomp off the head and bury the rest under a rock until Sunday.

Resurrect the torso and munch down, to represent the ascent into heaven. Extra bonus if the dog pees on the buried chocolate, to represent the descent into hell for a while, although this theology is not as commonly

So how would you eat a chocolate Jesus?
mentioned anymore.

And that's how you eat a chocolate Jesus!


winedeb said...

I don't think you should bite him at all. I think you should melt him into a chocolate fondue and dip strawberries and bananas into him. That way you are not starring him in the face ! This would go along with my wine breakfast - check out my blog for a great wine suggestion !

Columbus Foodie said...

Considering this particular chocolate Jesus is anatomically correct, eating some parts of Jesus could get downright explicit.

Chandira said...

I had a similar dilemma with a large chocolate Santa this Christmas. I sawed his head off with a knife, and felt really bad. But that *&(*ing Santa got his revenge, and I broke a tooth on him!! He also gave my office manager a bad finger-cut. Hopefully Chocolate Jesuses aren't that evil and revengeful.
Depending on the size of the Jesus, I'd recommend sucking. No knives or sharp implements, and careful of your teeth! ;-)

I like the fondue idea.